Feedback on Draft

Yesterday, I handed in my draft of my treatment and I received some feedback on it during today's lesson. 

• Boy gives the girl a different outlook, e.g. on why the dad might be feeling and acting the way has been
• Or the girl realises how much the boy means to her and then she loses him and realises why the dad has been feeling and acting that way
• Both the daughter and the father have to realise, not just the father
• Have to link in the boy to the reunification 
• Make the bit where the boy is in the story bigger and the journey smaller
• Condense the journey (where she is placing all the clues in the different locations) by making it a montage
• Shot list: make the shot notes more specific and write what the shot is of, rather than just camera notes

During today's lesson and this afternoon, I will be editing my storyline so that the section where the boy is in will have a purpose and will be connected to the ending of the story. I will also reduce the journey and make the part with the boy a bigger aspect of the story. After I finish that, I will be able to complete my synopsis in the next lesson and finish off my shot list.